Real World Comedy

NEW YORK, NY – The first suspected case of angry chicken disease in the United States was reported Tuesday and threatens to devastate the country’s $98 billion chicken soup industry.
A Holstein chicken from a farm in Manhattan was found to have the disease. The Upper West Side breed is known to have a short temper to begin with all chicken farms in the area were put on alert.
The Agriculture Department assured that the infected parts of the chicken never made it to the chicken soup plant and that no other soups were known to have the disease.

“We remain confident of the safety of our chicken soup food supply,” Secretary of Agriculture Ann Veneman said. She said the risk to consumers is, “extremely low.” She also said that this also comes at a very inopportune time. “I fear that people will be too nervous to eat chicken soup at a time when the flu season is pretty unforgiving. We rely on chicken soup to control flu outbreaks and this can hinder the effort.”

Meal Mart’s stock price dropped in trading despite its announcement that the small chicken soup plant that the diseased chicken was sent to had no connection to its supply chain. Kosher Delight stated that their chicken soup is at least two years old so there are no problems in their stores.
An angry chicken outbreak that began in Britain in 1986 spread through Europe and Asia. It caused a rise in the amount of the sniffles and full-blown colds by almost 200%. The epidemic battered the British chicken soup industry. Millions of bowls of chicken soup had to be spilled out. They only recently recovered, just in time for a harsh British winter.

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The secret in comedy writing is association. Let’s see how this technique of association generates hilarious result. By association, means by pairing or combining thoughts, images or even words together.
The most popular and obvious form of association in comedy is INCONGRUITY; by pairing of opposites or contrasts. Like fat and thin, black and white, new and ancient and the list goes on. By juxtapositing two opposites it creates incongruity. This premise can whip up endless potential humorous ideas. Examples like a tall reek-thin man standing beside his rotund wife, a caveman using a handphone, a smart-talking donkey with a dumb owl or a devil having a friendly round of poker with an angel. As I’ve said before “anything goes”. But of course not all incongruities will produce funny result.
Another obvious source of incongruity is the OXYMORON. Oxymoron is a figure of speech in which two seemingly contradictory words are combined. Examples like: open secret, good grief, original copies, small crowd or alone together.
Similarly to the technique of incongruity, is the REVERT. Here you take a normal situation and reverse it into its opposite. The most popular example is the bride carrying her groom into the room. Just take any ordinary situation and turn it around and see whether it can engender laughter. Like instead of having a bird in a cage, have a man in a bird cage, with the bird watching outside. “Anything goes”!
Use the association technique to light up your creative fuse and set it ablaze with ideas. Spur your brain to make new connection or new associations with opposities that will attract laughter.

written by admin \\ tags: incongruity

New York, NY – It was discovered yesterday that New York is, indeed, the center of the Universe. Pooling the resources of the American Astrophysics Association, NASA, and We Are The World (NYC, that is), the four-year study analyzed the gravitational pull of the Universe and other factors.
“So?,” asked Mike Spano, 23, from SoHo, “This is news? I’ve been telling everyone this for years.”
Dr.John Smithberg, PhD, from WATW(BTI), said, “When I earned my degree, from NYU, I knew that proving New York City was the center of the world was my calling.”
The study used advanced analysis tools on the data from the Hubbel telescope. They were able to calculate, based on astral rotations, that the gravitational pull of the Universe was centered around New York City.
As with many studies this one is not without controversy. Based on the data it seems unclear whether Wall Street or Broadway is the actual center. From some numbers the exact center seems to be Broadway and 34th Street. Other numbers indicate the small deli shop on Wall and Rector.
“Who doesn’t know that New York City is the center of the world??” Sammy DaBull, 21, from the Upper East Side asked. “All my friends agree with me!”
The study also added that there is no need for people from NYC to know about anything outside of New York. It explains that, while it helps to be aware of The Jersey Shore and Miami, there is no need to know where such states as Louisiana and Canada are located.

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The two main phrases in comedy writing are: “what if” and “anything goes”. They are catalysts for generating funny ideas.
“What if” challenges your imagination and “anything goes” takes you beyond your imagination. With the combination of these two key stimulants, you will ultimately create a funny idea.
Now let’s take a look at the thinking process behind the creation of a funny idea. Employing the two important phrases “what if” and “anything goes”, means letting your mind run wild and free. Don’t think logically, but creatively. As I say again,”anything goes”! Let random images, thoughts or memories mix, combine or pair them up, until you find a potential funny idea. This technique is popularly known as ASSOCIATION.
You associate thoughts or images from different sources. This association process may appear to be disorganized. But actually it is well focussed and heading towards the ultimate result; a funny idea!
ASSOCIATION is the key to many potential funny ideas. Rather than sitting down facing an empty sheet of paper, let your thoughts wander….and start from there. Don’t hold back. Remember the phrase “anything goes”. From there you pair them with anything. Let your flight of imagination soar….and I am sure you’ll come down with a real funny idea!

written by admin \\ tags: anything goes, what if

I am not a patient man.
Nor am I overly devious.
So although I haven’t personally experienced the following hijinx, I have watched a guy I know go through this ritual, several times.
Plus, I hate Starbucks coffee.  It’s way too “acidy” and expensive for me.  It’s not that I’m a cheapskate, not by  a longshot — I just struggle with paying $3 bucks a cup  for bad coffee.
I’m much more of a “Dunkin’ Donuts” kind of guy.
Anyway, there are 2 proven ways of “beating” Starbucks out of your daily cup of coffee.
Today I’m going to tell you one of them.
And like I said, I haven’t seen this done HUNDREDS of times, but I have seen it done at least twice, and my buddy’s reassured me he’s pulled this stunt, at least 25 or 30 times.
What you do is, you go into Starbucks and order your coffee or your latte or whatever else it is you like to drink — preferably earlier on in the morning — and you pay for it using a $100 Dollar bill.
Most of the time, they either will not be able to make change for you, or they simply aren’t allowed to take large bills, and what’ll happen is…
Your coffee will be free!
Not a marketing tip, but judging from the lines I see at literally every single Starbucks I pass…
A valuable… piece of information… nonetheless!
Now go sell something,

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Our neighbors haven’t built on their lot yet. I try to keep them informed with an occasional E mail or picture. A snake recently came from their lot to live on ours and terrorize me. Since they appreciate my updates so much, they have “decided to let me keep the snake.”
Here was my reply:
Tina and Dave,
I don’t want you to worry. Just in case you happen by. The snake has me creeped out. I mean I know there are bad things in the world – they guy with his drool cup at the 7-11 might be a serial killer, but I don’t need to know the specifics, and feel better NOT knowing. So even though I might suspect snake, I’d rather not be snake-sure.
The idea is based on a hamster wheel. Yes, it’s unsightly for now, but when enough dirt blows up on the tires with which I’ve lined our property, I think you’ll get used to it.
See, the snake goes into the tire and then follows the endless highway round and round. When I feel we have all of them, I simply set them afire.
I know what you are thinking – billowing black smoke will cause consternation among the locals. Not to worry. I’ve slipped word that a movie is being filmed here in Spanish Oaks and that there might be some special effects from time to time.
Most of the workers have a balding tire or two that they were happy to contribute to the cause.

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My last piece I talked about associating or pairing up opposites to produce funny ideas. Now we associate SIMILARITY or CONGRUITY; by puting the same or similar objects, person or animals together to engender laughter.
One good example is a pair of identical twins or two person wearing the same clothes. They naturally appear “odd” or “funny” to others. People will stare, giggle or whisper some cheeky or unkind remarks uder their breath. It’s a very normal response.
For cartoonists, this association of similarity can spawn lots of funny doodles. They can draw a person looking like an animal or two unrelated objects which are visually alike. The most popular is the garden hose partly hidden by the foliage and mistaken as a snake.
Caricature is a visual art form that employs the technique of congruity. It doesn’t look exactly like the actual person being drawn, but just a distorted or an exaggerated impression of the person and it looks kind of funny, doesn’t it?
Aside from visual art form, many verbal humor derives from this technique too. The most obvious form of verbal humor is the puns. A pun is a play on words, usually humorous based on several meanings of one word, or a similarity of meanings between words that are pronounced the same or the different in meanings between two words pronounced the same and spelled somewhat similarly. Following closely is another form verbal humor, called the double entendres. It can be a word or an expression having a double meaning, especially the second meaning is risque.
So, similarity breeds not only contempt, but comedy too!

written by admin \\ tags: Congruity, Similarity

Etiquette – such a pretty word. The very sound of it is classy – the kind of word you’d take home to meet Mother for a spot of tea and scones! Even its look, when written down is so “haute chic”.  It must be good.
There are many forms of etiquette. Here are just a few I prepared earlier.

Wedding Etiquette: Don’t tell the bride your invitation never came – just assume she already knows and turn up anyway.

Restaurant Etiquette:  USE THE SILVERWARE – DON’T STASH IT and strive to give the impression that French/Italian/Chinese/ whatever the cuisine speciality is/ is actually your first language (so never, I repeat, NEVER act surprised when your ordered dish arrives)
Table Etiquette:  As above, except for the language bit. It should be noted, however, that  “At-home-table Etiquette” allows for relaxing the silverware principle whenever the cricket’s on telly.

Dating Etiquette: “Yes” means “Yes”, “No” means “No” and “Maybe” means “Possibly, but really, well…. No.”
(“I’ll call you” and “Let me think about it” both mean “HELL, NO!”)

Teenage Etiquette:  Whatever Thorpie does because…Like, you know, it’s coz it’s really sick and stuff but don’t say anything coz that’d be really gay. Got me?

Ah, etiquette. Unpretentious, yet so powerful. One can sense when Etiquette enters the room. Heads turn, faces smile and all seems right with the world.
Extend that hand, embrace that small talk, master the subtle topic change and breathe again.

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DENVER, CO – In a stunning development “They” have finally been revealed. As the source of incredible amounts of information, sometimes true and sometimes not, “They” are considered the experts in almost all fields. Comments like “They say to do this,” and, “They say that’s not good for you,” are finally able to have the noun to go with the pronoun. “Know it all”s all over the world can now breath a sigh of relief.
“They” are a couple in their early 60’s and were revealed to live in Denver, Colorado. Sam and Erma Goldstein officially confirmed that they are “They.” The Goldsteins were discovered when a TheKnish.com reporter illegally obtained and opened classified records stating that “They” had retired and moved to Denver.
“We enjoyed being “They”,” Erma Goldstein said, “But the pressure of always knowing so much gossip was crazy. We just needed a break from “Them”.” When asked to reveal who “Them” were, “They” quickly backpedaled and denied knowing the existence of “Them.”
Even though “They” have been revealed, “They” will continue to enlighten “The Rest of Us.” “The Rest of Us” are very relieved since so much information is revealed by “They” and “Them.” At press time reporters were still unable to locate “Someone else,” “Anyone” and “Not Me.”

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People are always curious as where do humorists get their wacky ideas all the time. Once awhile you may hit upon a funny line or silly joke, but to churn out an endless stream of funny ideas is no joke(no pun intended).
So, where and how do the professional comedy writers do it? It’s all up in the head and the deep secret is the thinking process. The combination of creativity and imagination is the first step that will lead your thoughts to the funny finish.
To be imaginative and creative, you got to let your mind wander freely and illogically even to absurdity. Don’t be inhibited. Many a times, the best joke appeared in the most unexpected combination.
Here are five techniques which you can generate humorous ideas:
1. Incongruity – by pairing of opposites or contrasts.
2. Reverse – by switching or reverting of situations.
3. Similarity – by pairing of the same or similar things, person or situations
4. Words – by using puns, oxymorons, cliches and figure of speech
5. Switches – by using others’ideas only as a starting point.
These are the four essential elements of humor:
1. Surprise – unexpected twist to the ending
2. Realism – truth or logic that can be related to or recognised
3. Exaggeration – simple distortion to the extent of absurdity
4. Victim – the butt of the joke

written by admin \\ tags: Funny Ideas, How to write